Gathering #1

July 2, 2012

I have been sick all week, and today as we drive to my parent's house I have the same feeling as when I'm on the way to a dentist appointment.  I suddenly realize that all week I have been dreading this day, having so many people that I know and love in one place.  At our wedding, Chris and I were terrible hosts, and this feels like that again.  We don't like large crowds, and especially we don't like being the center of attention.  I haven't been able to eat much, and I keep wishing this would just be over with. I have been debating back and forth for a few months now weather or not I was going to let mom and Cassie host this party.  One day I would feel up to it and think it would be fun, another day I would be terrified of that many people there with only me in common to all of them! At the last moment I finally decided to do it, because I knew I wanted to see as many people as I could before I left, and this was the only way since we have so little time left.

At mom and dad's house, everyone seems kind of sad.  Not exactly the way I wanted to start this "going away" party.  But as usual they have done a great job, and things look great.  The first person to arrive is Marianne.  Our sweet and wonderful small group leader that Chris and I just love.  When we first started going to her small group at Vineyard, she wasn't sure what the Lord had planned for its future.  We were proud to be there for her as she discovered its true mission, an annual orphan awareness seminar.  Visiting with her is special, and we hope she knows how much she has meant to us through the years.  It turns out that she dated a man that my parents went to high school with in Aztec, NM.  I get out their yearbooks, and she is able to find him! Amazing.

More people arrive, and we are grateful to all our wonderful friends.  Matt and Anita with their two girls Leanna and Kalia; Anita's cousin and my friend/former co-worker Christina; our childhood friends Elizabeth and Joanna and their kids; Cassandra, Mike and their son Sammy; my friend Grace from St. Mary's Food Bank.  It was a little stressful mingling, trying to connect with everyone, but after people have left, I am so glad I was able to go through with this.  All the girls played Nertz while the dad's watched kids, it was so fun!  At some point, Matt came up and asked me if I would want Anita to come help me pack.  He said he would take a day off work and watch the girls if I would ask her to come help. *sniff* What a thoughtful, wonderful thing to offer.  I was drowning in all that work to do alone, so of course I took him up on that!

Afterward, Matt and Anita stayed behind so we could all go out to dinner together.  I felt terrible leaving mom and Cassie to do all the cleanup, but I knew they would gladly not only throw the party for me, but clean up too so that I could see my friends.  We have a wonderful time visiting with our friends, and Leaunna cuddles on my lap because she is cold in Cracker Barrel.  I savor her sweet little body folded against my chest, her little hands on my arms.  I know the next time I see her she will be much older, and wonder if she will even remember me.  I make sure to give lots of kisses and hugs. All three of my girlfriends are so special!

At home, I feel as if a thousand pounds are lifted from my shoulders.  I hadn't realized just how miserable I was anticipating that party today.  I feel much more energized to tackle all the packing, especially since Anita will be coming Monday to help.  Thank God for BFFS!