Beginning of the Goodbye's

June 1, 2012

After all the misery at this house in Phoenix, we got an opportunity through Chris’ work to move.  My current state of unsettlement is so great that moving across the country to North Carolina doesn’t seem like that far away.  It is just not here, and that is good (how little we hope for ourselves when all we want is the pain to go away!)  I haven’t started packing yet, because there are so many details that are yet to be confirmed.  We don’t have a time frame, we aren’t sure when we HAVE to be there. But I have started telling people, and that feels like I am “faking it till I make it.”  I want so much to believe that this really could happen. 

Tuesday’s have changed for me in the past few months.  Breaking up the monotony that is my life spent on my couch at home, I agreed to help my friend Michele.  She and her husband Jim recently became foster parents (how wonderful, so happy for her, she is so good at that ministry; I pray through this God brings a child they can adopt as their own).  Michele is a worship leader at her church, and she has leadership meetings on Tuesday mornings.  She asked me to babysit her first charge, a little boy called J. I’ve been doing that for a while now, J and I hang out at Metro Center mall in the kids play area since Michele’s meeting is only an hour long.  After, we all go to lunch. The story of how this came to be is one I should tell – maybe later.  A couple of weeks ago Michele got another blessing, and Princess is five.  The first time I watched her I was so nervous.  J is just a baby, and he is so used to be passed from one place to another that he has no reaction when I take him from Michele.  But Princess is old enough to know, to be unsure.  How am I going to make it OK for her, another stranger she doesn’t know?  The first time I worked really hard, played with her at the park, talked a lot about “Tuesday’s with Melissa.” It worked really well, and I was told by Michele that Princess named her Barbie “Melissa.” *sniff* That is so sweet.  Now I am feeling bad about having made all that effort, because it seems like the move really will happen.  Today I am meeting Michele, Princess and J to say goodbye. I share with my friend my favorite Chinese food, and we enjoy laughing and watching the kids play.  This is the last time I'll see them, and none of us wants it to end so quickly, so I suggest we all go to the mall one last time.  It is bittersweet, and Michele and I grieve for all the years we lost when we were not connected.  She gives me a beautiful card and we cry a little.  We are hopeful that someday she'll be able to come visit, have that to look forward to.